Inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, I decided to set out and write my own list of personal commandments.
Here’s what I came up with:
1. Do what works
This can apply to so many things, but in general, I’m all about trimming the fat (metaphorically, of course). If something is wrong, I try and fix it. If something isn’t working for me, I change or cut it out. I value my time and energy, and so to streamline, I try to do just what works for me. This may seem like a pretty obvious commandment, but it’s not. For example: I don’t want to spend the money going to a gym because, first of all, I don’t really like gyms. They’re smelly and germy, or that might be my OCD flaring up. So, I save money (and sanity) by working out at home, either outside walking or biking or playing tennis, or becoming Jillian Michaels’ personal slave. Either way, that’s what works for me.
2. Trust your intuition
Brandon sometimes teases me because I’ll say things like, “I just knew. I just KNEW it.” But I’m not just saying it. I usually DO know it. Maybe “intuition” is a bunch of crap, but it’s served me pretty well. Sometimes I don’t like what it’s telling me, sometimes it can be easier to dismiss my intuition than to trust it, but I always try to at least listen to what my gut is telling me. I’m pretty logical, unemotional person by nature, and this probably gives me a leg up on the whole intuition thing since I don’t have pesky emotions always getting in the way, but it’s a learning process. Honing in on what is real and dismissing emotional decisions or actions. But, even if I don’t act on it when I should, I always try to at least trust that my intuition is telling me the right or wrong thing to do.
3. Embrace what’s real
This is, of course, totally subjective but everything in my life seems to flow so much more easily when I embrace what’s real and what’s authentic. In the blogging world, this becomes hard to do. I want to give in to the pressure to come across a certain way, but somehow, I usually beat the pressure back. Being a real person with real emotions and real problems instead of hiding behind a facade is not only refreshing to ME, but to my friends and family too. The only thing interesting about someone hiding behind a facade of perfection is what happens when the wall comes down. It’s a struggle sometimes not to put up a fake front and gloss over what’s happening, but I try to stick to reality. What’s going on with me right now? Well, I’m retaining water, I haven’t showered yet today and I’m wearing leggings with a hole in them. How’s that for real? :)
4. Make every moment count
I want to start putting even more focus on the moments that aren’t BIG moments. I used to say to Brandon, “In 50 years, we aren’t going to remember the weekend where we stayed in and watched movies all day. We should go do something.” I’m trying to get away from that mindset now. There should be no expectation in life that you have to go big or go home. I think you can either go big or stay home, and either moment should be embraced to the fullest and remembered for what it is. So, now, when we decide to just stay home and lounge around in our PJ’s watching Alias for hours on end, I think to myself, “In 50 years, I’ll remember how relaxing it was just to watch movies and eat snacks on the couch with Brandon.”
5. Love is everything
There is only one thing I am sure of in life, and that is that my husband loves me and my family loves me. (Well, and my dogs love me.) I don’t know about anything or anyone else, but those things are constants and I am proud and protective of them.
6. Look on the outside
I can get snappy and irritable and sometimes I just want people to go away and let me wallow in my moodiness, but when that happens, I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes. Since I spend most of my time with Brandon, I try (I REALLY try) to imagine things from his point of view. Does he think I’m acting immature? Crazy? Annoying? What would he want me to do?
Stepping back and analyzing situations from the other person’s point of view is nearly always more rewarding than looking inward and focusing on myself.
7. Establish boundaries
I’m so much happier now that I’ve found that I can establish boundaries and I CAN live within them. I used to try to please everyone and do everything myself, but that wasn’t productive and it didn’t make me happy. Now I try to prioritize and set boundaries that make sense for me. If something is inherently negative, but I’ve been holding onto it just because, I’ll set that thing free or look for ways to do it. If I want to spend time doing something just for me, I’ll do it. If I want greater control of my schedule and how my hours in the day are spent, I’ll ensure that I try and make it happen. It’s so easy to trick yourself into thinking that a lack of boundaries gives you a higher status than someone who has a few walls up. This is especially true in the professional world. Watch two people at work: one with no boundaries and one that has a clear definition of where professional and personal do not intersect. The one with boundaries is going to be happier, even if they don’t have as much face-time with the boss talking about their latest boyfriend. Don’t take my word for it, though! Put up some boundaries that make sense for YOU and see what happens.
8. Ask for help
This kind of goes along with the last one. It’s really hard for me to ask for help. Really hard. As in—I tend not to do it. I try to take on everything myself and forge my way through, and if I’m not successful, I blame myself and shoulder a burden that could have been shared with someone else. Asking for help doesn’t guarantee success, but it DOES guarantee peace of mind.
One caveat: make sure you save asking for help for when you really need it. There are some times when you should try taking on tasks by yourself because it challenges you and pushes you in ways you may not have thought of. Also, asking for TOO much help can be counterproductive. I try to ask myself, “Should I try this myself first? Or is this something I know I can’t do without assistance?” As a result, when I ask Brandon for help, he knows that I must REALLY need his assistance and is much more eager to pitch in and offer a hand than if I asked him 60 times a day for things.
Well, there you have it. My 8 personal commandments. I’m sure they’ll change, or maybe I’ll even add to it, but I think this is a pretty good list!
How about you? What are your personal commandments?
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