I have belabored this post to the point of paralysis. How can I discuss something without actually discussing anything specific? Maintaining privacy while honestly discussing things in my life is important to me but it’s not always easy. And I haven’t always succeeded.

To use a cliche: let’s just say that I have a friend. And this friend compartmentalized a lot of emotions about a certain situation while she was pregnant. In order to keep her sanity and focus on what was right in front her, she packaged things in boxes that got stored away to be dealt with a later time. This kept her moving forward in a more or less productive way but eventually, of course, the boxes got opened. 

Obviously I’m talking about myself but sometimes it’s easier to pretend I’m not. Just like it’s sometimes easier to pretend things in my life aren’t really there. It seems better to push it aside and focus on tangible, immediate items: work, mothering, laundry, doing the dishes. I have become really good at being in the moment without actually being in it. (Does that makes sense?)

I’ve been reading a book by Tara Brach and though I’m not finished, one of the things I’ve been trying to do over the past month or so is live in the painful or uncomfortable moments. It feels unnatural for me to do this. My first inclination is to sidestep or deflect. But allowing the awkward and uncomfortable things to live means that I can work through them and move on with my life and truly focus on what makes me happy. 

I was talking to my sister this weekend and I told her that the best thing I’ve done for myself recently is to allow myself to acknowledge things I don’t necessarily like and then let them go. And I mean really let them go. I used to swear I’d let things go and then I’d revel in my superiority and in being the bigger person. Truly letting go for me now means that I have to step back and just let the situation sit without my personal feelings (resentment, anger, confusion, bitterness, you pick one) interfering at all. It is what it is and I can accept it and let it unfold…or I can fight it, mull over it, dissect it to bits, get angry over it and have a festering, open wound that I pretend doesn’t exist because denial feels so much better in the short term. 

I am starting to realize that other people’s decisions don’t have to affect me at all. But I have to feel something to get to the place where I feel nothing. Frankly, I don’t know if that’s a step forward or not. At least it’s movement. 

These are fun.

MOM:

• Forever 21 Fedora, $10.80
• Topshop Tee, $32
• Gap Sunkissed Shorts, $33.96 (from $40) - Take 20% off with code GAPGIFT
• Target Sandals, $16.99

BABY:

• Target Fedora, $7
• Gap Checkered Dress, $23.96 (from $30) - Take 20% off with code GAPGIFT
• Zara Leather Sandals, $39.90

It’s been a long time since I did yoga regularly. I’m not naturally very flexible and I can have a hard time with the slower pace. I used to dread Presidential Physical Fitness Day in school. (Did you have those too?) I’d do okay in most of the tests. I’d run my mile, do my sit-ups, barely make it through the pull-ups. And then the Sit and Reach. 

STUPID.

I have trouble touching my toes on a good day and even back in the day (in the throes of ballet classes and tumbling classes), it wasn’t easy. When they’d ask me to touch 5 or 6 or 7 inches beyond my toes, I wanted to die. I wanted that badge so bad. Damn you legs! Damn you! 

With my schedule the way it is now, unless I get a workout in first thing in the morning while everyone else is still sleeping, it doesn’t happen. I hate working out in the evenings and my workday is packed full enough that it’s hard for me to break away and fit in a workout around lunchtime. (Also, I want to eat lunch.) 

Although I did yoga regularly while pregnant and have been doing it occasionally since, I wanted to start putting it on my schedule the same way my other workouts are. I wanted to make time for it. I already go to one class a day 3-4 times a week, so it’s tricky for me to fit in another one. On the flip side, I really dislike working out at home. It’s hard to find the motivation to do a workout with the comfy sofa taunting me a few feet away. 

I had heard about My Yoga Online somewhere (a magazine I think, maybe SELF?) but I decided to give it a closer look about two weeks ago. It’s a paid subscription service, but you get access to hundreds of streaming yoga videos. Some are long, some are short, some are for beginners (yep), some are advanced (nope). They also allow you to create programs with specific goals in mind—education, relaxation, stress relief. They recently created a new one: Yoga for Busy Moms. I’ve done several of the videos in that series so far and love it. (I stream the videos on Brandon’s PS3.) 

If I get more flexible from doing yoga, great. I’d love to kill that freaking sit and reach shamebox once and for all. But the reason I really like doing it (even though I know I’m not great at it) is because I get the same feeling afterward that I have after a good massage. I’m relaxed and calm. Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes I’m sad. It has a mellowing influence on me and lord knows I need the occasional mellowing influence. 

If cardio is the way I pump myself up—the way I feel strong and capable—then yoga is the way I wind everything back down at the end of the day. I sleep better. I feel better. I need that right now. 

If you want to give My Yoga Online a try (it’s a good at-home workout option, if you’ve been struggling to find one that works), you can use this invite link and try the subscription service free for two weeks. 

This has been my quick go-to makeup routine the past few weeks. Once the weather gets hot, I have a feeling I’ll love how light and easy it is too. I apply bareMinerals In the Buff eyeshadow ($14) on my lid and blend up to my brow bone. Then I put on two coats of CoverGirl Lash Blast. I dab a bit of Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush in Pink Frosting on the apples of my cheeks and blend. I recently tried e.l.f.’s Healthy Glow Bronzing Powder after running out of my other one and like it! I brush on a little bit—not too much—right under my cheekbones and dust a bit on my forehead and chin. Done! 

Any other items I should get for quick makeup jobs?

After you’ve organized and cleaned out your closet (see this post for tips), you actually have to wear everything you kept. About two months ago I did an initial sweep of closet, but I noticed last week that there were still things I kept that I should have donated. I went through my closet again and ended up with another huge stack of items to give to my sister and to donate. Once you’re sure you’re down to items you’ll actually wear, it may be helpful to use this post to put together new outfits and to rotate items through so you aren’t wearing the same things over and over again. 

1 - CLOSET INVENTORY

If you have a great memory, you may be able to recall all the items you have in your closet. If you tend to forget about items you own (especially seasonal items you don’t see for a while), a closet inventory app is a good way to catalog everything you have. 

Here are some of the most popular ones:

• Stylebook
• Stylish+Cool
• Closet
• Cloth

Inventorying your closet using an app is also great for getting rid of even more things. As you’re snapping photos or sorting through, you may discover that upon second look you’d rather donate an item than keep it. 

Once you have a grasp on the clothing you actually own, you need to start thinking of ways to incorporate the pieces into outfits. Any clothing or shoes you’ve kept but know that you still don’t wear that often should be prioritized. The easiest way to rotate all items through your wardrobe and to keep things from getting to uniform-y is to use inspiration photos. 

2 - REALISTIC INSPIRATION 

Pinterest is a double-edged sword when it comes to wardrobe inspiration. You can pin things you just think are pretty (but know you’d never wear), or outfits you’d love to wear (but you don’t have the pieces to wear it) or outfits that use similar pieces to ones you already own.

I suggest making two Pinterest boards (or one secret one, if you don’t want everyone creeping on outfits you plan to copy). 

1. Outfit Inspiration - Pin outfits here that feature items you don’t own but may want to buy. 
2. To Wear - Pin outfits here that are made up of similar items that you already own.

For example, if you like the look of maxi dresses but have never worn one and don’t own one, pin a photo of that to your Outfit Inspiration board. If you wear pencil skirts and blouses every day to work and you spotted an outfit that is pairing prints or colors together in a way you hadn’t thought of, pin that photo to your To Wear board. 

3 - MAKE YOUR “TO WEAR” BOARD MORE USEFUL

Instead of pinning practical outfits to your To Wear board and just letting them languish, use these tips to follow through and actually wear them. 

• In the description of each pin, write out the specific items you own that you’d use to re-create the outfit. (i.e., “J.Crew print top, LOFT skirt - black, Target pumps - black”) You can scroll through your closet inventory app to get ideas of what you could use too. 
• If you prefer having the images closer at hand for getting dressed in the morning, print out the Pin (open the pin in a new tab, click print). Get a folder organizer that you can mount to the wall and place it in your closet. Organize your printed pinned images by occasion: Work, Casual, Date. Or by season/weather: Winter, Spring, Rainy, etc. 
• After you’ve worn an outfit, mark the printed page with any notes. Did you have to wear a specific type of undergarment with the outfit to make it work? Did you hate the way it looked on you? Would a different pair of shoes have looked better? 

4 - A FEW LAST WORDS

I’ve noticed that sometimes I don’t wear things I like because I don’t have the right accessories on hand. Here are a few things to have nearby that will make getting dressed less annoying. 

• Keep all belts in the same location. If you hate all your current belts, donate them and get a few new ones. Gap has dozens of belts and with their frequent sales, you can pick up several. Target also stocks tons of great belts. A cream one, black and brown leather ones, a cognac braided belt and a few bright skinny belts will go almost any outfit. 
• If you have the drawer space, fold your scarves into thirds and tuck them into drawers like t-shirts. It keeps them from getting crushed or tangled on a hanging contraption. I like seeing all my scarves at once too.
• It seems obvious, but make sure you have underwear that works with any dress or pair of pants you own. Whether you need a neutral thong or a seamless bikini, don’t avoid wearing something because you know it shows panty lines. 
• Strapless bras, bandeau bras and bralettes are good options for wearing with summer tops. I tend to forget where I’ve stashed them when summer starts, so make sure you know where they are before you have to start wearing sleeveless or low-back tops and dresses. 
• I just picked up a few of these knit tube tops from Aerie ($10). They’re very thin knit and will be perfect under sheer tees or blouses. 
• Wearing a slip seems so…mature, but there are some dresses where it makes all the difference. If you buy one that is also shapewear, you get both extra coverage AND a smoother silhouette. Get one in black, one that’s nude and a half-slip is good for wearing skirts. 
• Get rid of any bras you don’t wear. If you don’t remember the last time you wore it, if you’ve worn it once since you bought it, if you’re waiting for the perfect top to wear with it, get rid of it. If you have any that don’t fit, those need to go too. 
• Throw out any tights or leggings with runs or rips or holes. If they’re looking a little ratty, don’t keep them. Tights and leggings are inexpensive and easily replaceable. 

I hope this helps! Good luck with your spring cleaning! Do you have any other tips?

In my opinion, the two biggest pitfalls when shopping for affordable clothing are, one, buying clothing that’s inappropriate or ill-fitting (junior’s section prices are tempting!) or two, falling prey to the clearance trap—where something is marked down so much that you buy it without considering if you’ll even wear it. It’s ultimately wasteful and I’ve definitely done it. The clearance racks at Target are a good example. $5 shirts! $12 pants! It’s easy to make a lot of little one-off purchases that add up to a considerable amount of money for things that may get worn once or not at all.

What’s the most you’d pay for a given item of clothing or a pair of shoes? No more than $150? $100? $50? The truth is that it’s easier to look stylish if you have a more flexible (i.e., large) budget. It’s a lot harder to translate both current trends and classic pieces into a more modest budget. And then there’s quality! Someone always brings up quality. There are some items where a bigger price tag usually equals higher quality. Outerwear. Athletic shoes. Work separates (pencil skirts, trousers, suits, blouses). Comfortable, work-appropriate shoes. Jewelry. Handbags. Otherwise, there are plenty of mid-range or inexpensive options available that will work for most people.

1. Neutrals = good

Clothing, shoes and handbags look more expensive when they’re bought in a neutral color. A $75 black shift dress is mostly indistinguishable from a $250 black shift dress. Faux leather handbags have come a long way. Black flats and black pumps are nondescript no matter how much you paid for them. Bright colors and trendy prints are fun, but for the most part when I’m buying inexpensive clothing, I stay within a safe zone of neutral colors: black, white, taupe, navy, gray. A black cardigan from Target will look awfully similar to a black cardigan from J.Crew. Save your money for seasonal or special occasion items that you will need to spend more on, like a quality winter coat or a pair of pumps you can wear for 10 hours without your feet hurting or a leather handbag that you’ll use for years.

2. Be realistic about trends

This was/is the hardest one for me, but I’m getting better. Sort of. Let’s take peplum, for example. There were a few peplum tops I saw that I loved. I was thinking in my head of all sorts of ways I could wear them. I held off buying one (a miracle) and now they’re littered on every clearance rack. I’m glad I didn’t buy one. I would have worn it…once? Maybe twice? It’s not a silhouette I normally wear and it’s not one I’ll wear in years to come.

A few things to remember: bloggers make trends look accessible. For some of them, it’s their job. Companies are asking them to do it. That gifted peplum top paired with jeans on that one blogger looks genius, yes, but will that work for your wardrobe? Your life? Maybe, maybe not. Don’t convince yourself that you may learn to like something just because someone else wears it well.

If you want to buy a few trendy things each season but want to stay conservative about it, try the “neck up, ankles down” rule, which is basically that you will only wear trends from the neck up (jewelry or scarves) or ankles down (shoes). Rings, bracelets and nail polish color counts too. “Tribal” print was popular this past fall/winter, but if you didn’t feel comfortable buying a printed cardigan or dress or top, a print scarf or a necklace like this could have been a good way to dip your toe into the trend without spending much money on something you might not have worn very much. Another example is “oxblood,” or the fancy name for burgundy that was worn a lot this fall. It’s a very seasonal color, so obviously the people who bought oxblood pants and dresses and skirts are tucking those away right now. Buying an oxblood scarf or painting your nails a deep red would have been a good way to get in on the trend without buying something you might have regretted.

3. Read care labels

Do you know how to read clothing care labels? Some labels write out wash and dry instructions, but others just put symbols like these:

Print this out and put it next to your washer/dryer.

Following care instructions to the letter are an (obvious) way to keep clothing intact, but this is especially important if you buy clothing from any mid-range or bargain retailer. J.Crew, Gap, Banana Republic, Piperlime, Target, Forever 21, Marshall’s, H&M—anything from these stores (and from any other store you’d find in a mall) are equally likely to fall apart or shrink or get misshapen if the care instructions aren’t followed carefully.

A few tips:

• When in doubt, wash on the delicate cycle.
• Turn sweaters and pants inside out.
• Use the most gentle detergent you can. (Any free and clear detergent is good. I use Honest’s 4-in-1 laundry pods.)
• Brighten whites with oxy-boost products, not bleach.
• Don’t risk shrinkage. If you have any doubt whatsoever about drying an item of clothing—even if the label says to tumble dry on low—just air dry it instead.
• Get in the habit of using cold water for most loads of laundry. (Some people like using hot water for whites and for baby clothes.)

If you treat your inexpensive clothing like you paid $$$ for it, it will last a lot longer. Take pride in your clothes, whether the shirt cost $5 or $50. You still paid money for that thing. If you want to throw it away, just toss it! Otherwise, read the care label.

4. Think a few seasons ahead

If you want to start buying from more expensive brands or stores but still stay within your budget, you have to begin planning a few seasons ahead. Buy your winter clothes when they get marked down closer to springtime. Buy summer clothes at the start of fall. Start looking for boots around February-March. Sandals and wedges cost next to nothing by September. This requires some planning and it obviously takes some of the fun—the immediate gratification element—out of shopping. But—do you want that specific label in your jacket come winter? Then buy it and store it for a while. When you’re doing this kind of end-of-season shopping, don’t get suckered in by super low prices on higher end goods. Try to look for classic pieces and avoid trendy coats or boots or sandals (they may not be in style by next season).

If you’re looking for ways to track sales, here is an older post I did about that.

Any other tips to add?

Mother’s Day is in 17 days. Have you bought a gift yet? Here are a few ideas to help you get started. 

1. Clare Vivier Flat Clutch, $104 - This is also available in other colors/patterns.
2. J.Crew Golden Knot Ring, $35 - Get an extra 25% off with code SPRINGBEST. 
3. Juicy Couture Belted Robe, $60 (from $88)
4. Warby Parker Gift Card, $50+
5. Fresh Favorites Sugar Lip Balms Trio, $45
6. Madewell The Transport Tote, $168 - Can be monogrammed! 
7. May Designs Custom Notebook, starting at $17
8. Printstagram Minibook, $12 for 100 photos
9. Marc Jacobs Limited Edition Daisy Sunshine, $78 
10. LUSH A Mother’s Day in Paradise Gift Tub, $56.96
11. Rag and Bone Bindery Instabook Accordion Book, $21 - This photo album is designed to display Instagram prints in sizes 4x4 or 5x5. (Use PostalPix app on iPhone to order prints.) 
12. DODOCase for J.Crew for iPad 2 and 3, $74.95 (from $85) - Get an extra 25% off with code SPRINGBEST. 
13. Kindle Paperwhite (with Special Offers), $119
14. Madewell Garden Sketch Scarf, $45
15. Seventh Tree Soaps Mother’s Day Gift Set, $18
16. Tory Burch Smart Phone Wallet, $155 - Perfect for a new mom—just tuck into diaper bag and have all the essentials close at hand. 
17. Anthropologie Vertical Chemist Vase, $48 - Extra points for actually putting flowers into it! 
18. Jacquie Aiche Alphabet Letter Ring, $77
19. Anna Bee Jewelry Initial and Birthstone Necklace, $97

If you don’t see anything you like here or have a specific Mother’s Day search request, feel free to drop me a message in my ask box.