Posts tagged with mom:

The Mother’s Day gift that keeps on giving

I cannot tell you how many mom friends I have spoken to or blog posts I have read or articles I’ve stumbled across that say essentially the same thing: I don’t understand how the balanced and healthy division of labor and responsibilities between my partner and I changed so drastically after having a baby. It’s not griping or whining or man-bashing and it’s especially not nagging. It just seems to be a pretty common enough occurrence. Why does the birth of a baby sometimes turn a “normal” and balanced marriage into one that occasionally seems like one big traditional gender role cliche?

Part of it seems to be a natural progression. For a mother, especially one who exclusively breastfeeds, the bulk of early newborn care falls to her. Unless she is committed to pumping and committed to shoving her partner off the bed at 2 am to go get the bottle out of the fridge (at which point she’s awake anyway), it’s mostly a one-man woman show for a number of weeks at the beginning. For the first month or two of a baby’s life, their biggest need is FOODFOODFOOD. Second to this is SOOTHESOOTHESOOTHE (usually solved by FOODFOODFOOD). It is what it is and it mostly has to be. Yet, I knew this and I understood this and still found myself alarmingly ragey and unbelievably jealous. Shuffling over to a darkened room during the night, half-dressed, half-lucid, with a blissfully sleeping spouse—there is no scenario I can think of yet in our marriage that inspired more murderous thoughts than that. But it is what it is. 

One night when Isobel was probably two or three weeks old, Brandon vowed to stay awake with me for a few night’s feedings to keep me company. He sat on the floor of Isobel’s room as I tried to wrangle her into position to try for a decent latch (something that still wasn’t perfected) and his eyes kept closing and the pets were splayed out near him, giving us both side eye for keeping them awake. I finally said, “Just go to bed. There’s no point in us both being tired in the morning.” So he left. Those moments—the ones where it is just you and your baby, your brain so foggy from sleep deprivation that you can barely speak, when you feel like you are the only person awake in the entire world—they are very lonely moments indeed. 

A key problem that Brandon and I identified early on was that I tended to just do something instead of waiting for him to do it. My efficiency trumped my desire for him to assist—and then I’d blame him for it! Oh, hello! I’m falling into every parenting cliche ever, thanks! I tried to do better but it was hard. It’s such a bizarre dichotomy: I want you to help, but I don’t have the patience to let you learn. I’d get better about this and then worse. It came it fits and starts. 

We laugh sometimes (sometimes) now about how quickly we fell into every cliche we swore we wouldn’t. Frankly, we still struggle with the occasional competitive “I did this, now it’s your turn” nonsense. It’s so hard not to. Even in the moment where these stupid see-saw arguments are happening, I know that it’s ridiculous and yet I can’t stop the words coming out of my mouth. Martyr diarrhea. “But I did this all week and now it’s your turn BLARGGHHHHH FIX IT GOODBYE!” 

To be fair, there are some universal truths we have discovered that have made things bearable for both of us. A few months ago we had a long conversation about what we’d done wrong. We concluded that on my end, I’d get resentful but wouldn’t always ask for help when I should have. On his, he’d often step back and wait for me to make a first move because he was intimidated by how well I knew Isobel’s schedule and/or needs. If you’ve been in this vicious cycle, you know how difficult it is to break. One person has to say, “Enough!” It was hard for me to be the one to say it because it was oddly fulfilling to be the hard-working martyr. (I do not recommend doing this.) It was hard for Brandon to say enough because, damn, it’s so much easier when she takes care of everything. 

I’m guessing that the thing that’s so wonderful about Mother’s Day is that someone else is making the decisions, someone else is fully invested in making sure you aren’t the only one feeding the kid(s), someone else is actively thinking about ways to make your parenting role less arduous by stepping up a little bit more boldly. 

If you’re a new parent, maybe you can learn from our mistakes earlier than we did. Mom: it’s easy to take over everything because you’ve probably been the one that’s there. You know everything. You know where all the clothes are, you can find every paci in the house, you’ve got the schedule down. You know she or he likes this, but not that. You know which pile of laundry is dirty and which is clean (although they’re stacked awfully close together on the bed but that’s neither here nor there.) You’ve got this. But you don’t want to. You want someone else to get it. But you can’t let go. You can do it faster. You can do it in the time it takes to explain how. But you have to let go. You have to speak up and say, “It’s time for the baby to nap. Feed him. Put him down. I’m going to eat some cheese. See you in thirty minutes.” Walk away. Don’t explain how you do it. If you hear frantic rustling or panicked noises, do not respond. Eat your cheese. I should have spoken up more and asked for more help. I still struggle with this, although on a much, much smaller scale. But there is no dignity in quiet resentment about a task that you never asked for help with. I wish I’d learned that earlier. 

Dad: Just step in. You see the baby needs something. Don’t wait to be asked if you can help. Just do it. There are, at most, maybe five possible solutions for a fussy newborn. Try them all until you find one that works. Change a diaper. Feed. Swaddle/rock. Give a paci. Distract with a walk or a book or an activity gym. You know how to do these things! You can do it as good as mom can. (Maybe better.) But what if baby is hungry and you don’t have the proper mammary equipment? This is most important: if Mom is exclusively breastfeeding and you can only help with occasional pumped feedings, you need to find a way to fill that void. If Mom is feeding baby, you do the dishes. If Mom is feeding baby, you make dinner. If Mom is feeding baby, you do the laundry. You don’t have boobs, so make yourself useful. If you aren’t sure what to do, just ask, “What can I do?” Those are some damn beautiful words. When Brandon asks me that, I see the stars, the moon. I have hearts in my eyes. Nothing sounded more romantic to me than that phrase as I rocked a crying baby for hours. What can you do? GodDAMN, I love you for asking. 

Parenting is some hard shit and it wears everyone out. Be nice to each other. It makes everything seem a lot easier when your partner is nearby with a smile on their face and a cup of coffee in their hand. We’re still working on navigating our marriage through the relatively new lens of parenting, but it’s getting so much better. So there’s your last cliche for this post—it gets better. Like everyone says it will. 

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Honest reusable swim diapers are great. We used them last summer and I just ordered Isobel a new one (size L, wah, so big). If you get the diaper bundle already, you can add a swim diaper as your “add on” and get 20% off. They’re $13.95 otherwise. (Well worth it. Do you know how much disposable swim diapers cost? Highway robbery.) Here is my referral link, if you’re so inclined. :)  P.S. I have an extra one I bought last summer and never used (she didn’t fit it then and won’t fit it now). It’s a size medium (16-21 pounds) and navy/white stripes. Here’s a pic. Tags are still on! Do you want it? First person that emails me (jaclyndianeday[at]gmail) gets it.  Claimed! 

Honest reusable swim diapers are great. We used them last summer and I just ordered Isobel a new one (size L, wah, so big). If you get the diaper bundle already, you can add a swim diaper as your “add on” and get 20% off. They’re $13.95 otherwise. (Well worth it. Do you know how much disposable swim diapers cost? Highway robbery.) Here is my referral link, if you’re so inclined. :) 

P.S. I have an extra one I bought last summer and never used (she didn’t fit it then and won’t fit it now). It’s a size medium (16-21 pounds) and navy/white stripes. Here’s a pic. Tags are still on! Do you want it? First person that emails me (jaclyndianeday[at]gmail) gets it.  Claimed! 

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This Sunday is my second Mother’s Day as a mother. Hard to believe. Besides the obvious—the late nights, the morning cuddles, the sleep struggles, the milestones, the firsts—what does it mean to be a mother? I never thought of myself as a particularly maternal person. Early in my pregnancy, I’d occasionally even forget. I’d be going about my business and forget. Then I’d realize I’d forgotten and the horror and panic would play across my face (I’m sure it did, I know it did) and I’d wonder if anyone realized that I had just forgotten about what should be the most important thing. Crap, I would think. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. A story I’ve never told: I didn’t cry when Isobel was born. I was so overwhelmed with adrenaline and excitement that I let out a few gasps that maybe sort of could have turned into tears, except they didn’t and I just smiled instead. Later, in the quiet of our dark room, I got nervous. Shouldn’t I have cried? What does this say about me? The next day the photographer came to take some photos. I originally didn’t want to do it—I looked like hell and VANITY—but someone said I’d regret it if we didn’t. So she came back a little later and she took some photos of us and lots of Isobel. She said she’d be back in a few hours to show us the photos. Later the photographer knocked on the door and came in with her laptop. I was holding Isobel and Brandon was sitting nearby and she put the laptop up and told us she had a slideshow of the photos to show us. “I’ll let you look and come back in a few minutes,” she said. I wondered why she’d leave the room. It’s only a short little slideshow. Two seconds into the slideshow—set to music, naturally—I lost it. Tears, drool, sobs. A few minutes later the photographer came back in and slowly shut the laptop. “We’ll buy all of them,” said Brandon. After she left again, he said, “That was so sweet that you cried when you saw the photos.” Sweet, maybe, but there was more to it. There was fear. Can I protect her well enough? Anxiety. Am I capable? Exhaustion. Can my body actually function like this? Love. This is mine. The thing about motherhood that’s so new and scary is how you become the sole source of strength for someone else. Every time I picked her up, every time I fed her, every time she cried, I was conscious of the fact that it was on me. The act of mothering slowly becomes similar to what might happen if you were to grow a third arm or leg. It is a core part of you, but you devote very little energy to consciously making it function. It just operates. The mechanics of motherhood are at first swallowed up by the overwhelming survival instincts of mother (to sleep, to eat) and of baby (to sleep, to eat). Things that seemed so daunting before Isobel was born—diapering, swaddling—were skills that I mastered without even trying. You just do. And that’s why I believe the hardest period I’ve had so far as a mother was when Isobel was between 3 and 6 months old. I had to start making actual decisions that could have actual results. It wasn’t survival-mode anymore. It was how do I mother you most effectively. The first time I realized the implications of that, I was immediately brought back to that panicked moment while I was pregnant and had momentarily forgotten about it. When will someone realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing? There has been a lot going on in my personal life over the past two years. It has not been easy and it is still enormously complex, but it has taught me that family is so precious. A child’s memories of his or her family are so important. This Mother’s Day, I will celebrate that we’ve now been together for two of them! We’ve made it this far. Dad, Mom, Isobel. A family of three. A pack. A club. Oh, I have already made mistakes as a mother and will surely make more. But please—please! Let me do right by my daughter. Let me give her the world.

This Sunday is my second Mother’s Day as a mother. Hard to believe.

Besides the obvious—the late nights, the morning cuddles, the sleep struggles, the milestones, the firsts—what does it mean to be a mother? I never thought of myself as a particularly maternal person. Early in my pregnancy, I’d occasionally even forget. I’d be going about my business and forget. Then I’d realize I’d forgotten and the horror and panic would play across my face (I’m sure it did, I know it did) and I’d wonder if anyone realized that I had just forgotten about what should be the most important thing. Crap, I would think. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this.

A story I’ve never told: I didn’t cry when Isobel was born. I was so overwhelmed with adrenaline and excitement that I let out a few gasps that maybe sort of could have turned into tears, except they didn’t and I just smiled instead. Later, in the quiet of our dark room, I got nervous. Shouldn’t I have cried? What does this say about me?

The next day the photographer came to take some photos. I originally didn’t want to do it—I looked like hell and VANITY—but someone said I’d regret it if we didn’t. So she came back a little later and she took some photos of us and lots of Isobel. She said she’d be back in a few hours to show us the photos.

Later the photographer knocked on the door and came in with her laptop. I was holding Isobel and Brandon was sitting nearby and she put the laptop up and told us she had a slideshow of the photos to show us. “I’ll let you look and come back in a few minutes,” she said. I wondered why she’d leave the room. It’s only a short little slideshow.

Two seconds into the slideshow—set to music, naturally—I lost it. Tears, drool, sobs. A few minutes later the photographer came back in and slowly shut the laptop. “We’ll buy all of them,” said Brandon. After she left again, he said, “That was so sweet that you cried when you saw the photos.”

Sweet, maybe, but there was more to it. There was fear. Can I protect her well enough? Anxiety. Am I capable? Exhaustion. Can my body actually function like this? Love. This is mine.

The thing about motherhood that’s so new and scary is how you become the sole source of strength for someone else. Every time I picked her up, every time I fed her, every time she cried, I was conscious of the fact that it was on me. The act of mothering slowly becomes similar to what might happen if you were to grow a third arm or leg. It is a core part of you, but you devote very little energy to consciously making it function. It just operates. The mechanics of motherhood are at first swallowed up by the overwhelming survival instincts of mother (to sleep, to eat) and of baby (to sleep, to eat). Things that seemed so daunting before Isobel was born—diapering, swaddling—were skills that I mastered without even trying. You just do. And that’s why I believe the hardest period I’ve had so far as a mother was when Isobel was between 3 and 6 months old. I had to start making actual decisions that could have actual results. It wasn’t survival-mode anymore. It was how do I mother you most effectively. The first time I realized the implications of that, I was immediately brought back to that panicked moment while I was pregnant and had momentarily forgotten about it. When will someone realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing?

There has been a lot going on in my personal life over the past two years. It has not been easy and it is still enormously complex, but it has taught me that family is so precious. A child’s memories of his or her family are so important.

This Mother’s Day, I will celebrate that we’ve now been together for two of them! We’ve made it this far. Dad, Mom, Isobel. A family of three. A pack. A club. Oh, I have already made mistakes as a mother and will surely make more. But please—please! Let me do right by my daughter. Let me give her the world.

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I need a budget friendly maxi dress type outfit to bring baby home after delivery. Im also 5'1" so finding something I won't trip on is a factor. What would you suggest?

- Asked by losingwins

If you’re looking for a budget-friendly maxi, Old Navy is definitely your best bet. 

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But can I make a suggestion? You may not want to wear a dress (even a comfy maxi) home from the hospital. I know lots of people do it and they look great…but there are also very bulky, very unwieldly undergarments you’ll be dealing with. If you get hit with a postpartum sweating session, you do not want both bare legs trapped together in a skirt sweat box. 

My suggestion is to wear something that you won’t be face palming yourself for when you look at photos but that is comfortable to move around in and that you’ll feel confident in. When I left the hospital, I looked at least 6 months pregnant. I wouldn’t have wanted to wear a dress then—any dress! I would have definitely still looked quite pregnant in a regular, non-maternity dress. I’d suggest packing a loose tunic or long maternity top like this Topshop one. Avoid gray (in case you start sweating). A pair of basic black leggings would be fine, but a maternity pair will be even more comfortable. If you’re worried about breastfeeding access in a regular top, you can wear a nursing cami underneath (letting you forgo a bra if you want, phew!) Another option is a maternity buttondown tunic like this one. It will skim over your body without being too clingy and you have easy boob access if needed. Paired with comfy, chic flats, a watch or bracelets, a simple ponytail and a little bit of makeup, you’ll look pulled-together and you’ll feel comfortable. 

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A PERFECT MOTHER’S DAY: Sleep in. Wake up. Coffee is made. I can smell it from upstairs. Isobel is already dressed and fed! Take long shower in which I will hear a baby crying approximately 20,000 times. Yes, this still happens. Go to brunch at a location I have not thought of, suggested or made reservations for. (It seems so trivial, but someone taking care of all dining-related details, including choosing where, is the best thing ever to me. There are moments when we’re trying to figure out where to eat that I feel like I’m going to start some gnawing-on-my-hair-crazy-eyes-tic because I cannot possibly make one more decision please just choose I will eat anything I am a garbage disposal just drive.) Go to the park. Get a pedicure. Come home, then have play time, bath time, bed time for Isobel. Baby is asleep. Proceed to couch to watch Game of Thrones. Please hand me that over-full glass of wine and that giant cheese plate. I am ready for it now. It is now 10:00 pm and I am falling asleep. YOU MADE THE BED WHILE I WAS SHOWERING THIS MORNING? Thank you for an amazing Mother’s Day. END SCENE What’s yours?

A PERFECT MOTHER’S DAY:

  • Sleep in.
  • Wake up. Coffee is made. I can smell it from upstairs.
  • Isobel is already dressed and fed!
  • Take long shower in which I will hear a baby crying approximately 20,000 times. Yes, this still happens.
  • Go to brunch at a location I have not thought of, suggested or made reservations for. (It seems so trivial, but someone taking care of all dining-related details, including choosing where, is the best thing ever to me. There are moments when we’re trying to figure out where to eat that I feel like I’m going to start some gnawing-on-my-hair-crazy-eyes-tic because I cannot possibly make one more decision please just choose I will eat anything I am a garbage disposal just drive.)
  • Go to the park.
  • Get a pedicure.
  • Come home, then have play time, bath time, bed time for Isobel.
  • Baby is asleep. Proceed to couch to watch Game of Thrones.
  • Please hand me that over-full glass of wine and that giant cheese plate. I am ready for it now.
  • It is now 10:00 pm and I am falling asleep.
  • YOU MADE THE BED WHILE I WAS SHOWERING THIS MORNING?
  • Thank you for an amazing Mother’s Day.

END SCENE

What’s yours?

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hello friend! do we get to see your picks for mother's day in your latest gift guide?! xoxo

- Asked by fromcoasttoshore

Yes! I posted my gift guide for Mother’s Day about two weeks ago. Here are a few more last minute ideas:

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I haven’t done one of these for a while (I don’t need nearly as much “stuff” now as I did when Isobel was a baby!) but I thought I’d list a few things that we’ve gotten a lot of use out of lately. Nosefrida, $12.75 - The concept of this is so gross, I know, but it really works and it’s much safer than trying to use a bulb suction while she’s thrashing all over trying to get away from me. Zarbee’s Children’s Cough Syrup, $13.96 for 2 - Our doctor recommended this about a month or so ago now I guess. Isobel had a cold and some coughing during the night and this really helped settle it down. It’s made mostly from a honey, a natural expectorant. (Check with your doctor first before using! Disclaimer, disclaimer, blah, blah.) Baby Banana Training Toothbrush, $8.49 - Isobel hates her teeth being cleaned but she’ll chew on the nubbins of this one while I’m bathing her and I can usually sneak and grab it to get some extra cleaning done while she’s still thinking it’s a toy and not some torture device. (She thinks all hygiene-related tools are torture devices. This includes but is not limited to toothbrushes, hair combs, getting her face wiped, getting her nose cleaned, etc.) Melissa and Doug Giant Coloring Pad, $6.26 - This coloring pad is huge and Isobel loves drawing all over it. I do too if I’m being honest. ISOBEL DON’T YOU WANT TO COLOR NOW. Melissa and Doug Jumbo Triangular Crayons, $6.22 - I’m not the biggest fan of these because the colors aren’t very vibrant and you have to apply some pressure to get them going. Our Crayola ones we have are much better, but these are sanity-saving because they don’t roll. I’m willing to take the knocks on the vibrancy for not having crayons rolling all over the house. Ten Apples Up On Top! by Theo LeSieg - She really likes this book right now. I think it’s because it has two cats—a tiger and a lion—in it. Luvable Friends 6 Pack Cuffed Socks, $7.10 - It seems like I lose a pair of socks (or two or three) every time I do the laundry. These ship with Amazon Prime and do the job. Tiny TOMS, $29 - I bought these discounted on Zulily on a whim and regretted clicking purchase after I read some reviews after the fact. Most people said they came off easily and that is one of my biggest annoyances about a few of the shoes I’ve bought for Isobel. I’m happy to report that these stay on her feet really well (through tons of walking, climbing, park time, etc.). The only thing is that she knows how to pull off Velcro shoes now, so she usually pulls one or both off while in the carseat or stroller. Summer Infant Tiny Diner, $11.99 - This is great for restaurants. It suctions to the table and has a little tray to catch food. ERGO Carrier, $115 - I’ve posted this before but wanted to reiterate how often I still use it, even though Isobel is now 25 pounds or so. Despite the fact that I mostly like the Ergo, I’ve found back carry becoming more and more uncomfortable as Isobel has gotten heavier. This is mostly because I find that my torso is kind of long to find the perfect spot for it to rest. I’ve tried to put it lower on my hips and higher on my waist and neither worked long-term. (My back started to really hurt after less than 30 minutes wearing.) I recently tried on a Boba at the store and really liked it, then decided to give my Ergo one more try before abandoning it. I know the Ergo side carry is seen as kind of an Ergo throwaway position—that toddlers should be either in front or back carry—but I tried the side carry this weekend and carried Isobel comfortably for several hours with no back or side pain at all. I don’t think it would be for everyone, but I was so relieved to find that I can get some more mileage out of this contraption. It’s a lifesaver in situations where a stroller is too cumbersome and Isobel is far too wiggly to carry without restraint for longer than about ten minutes. (She wants to get down and RUN.) Best of all, Isobel seemed to really enjoy the side carry too. The back carry was always frustrating for her because she’d sometimes want to rest her head somewhere and couldn’t, but the front carry wasn’t a solution because she liked to look around and have more freedom to see where she was going, etc. The side carry was the best of both worlds: she could rest her head on me when she was sleepy and she could see where we were going and had more mobility to check out her surroundings. Any other toddler toys or gadgets I should look into? What’s a toddler toothbrush or toothpaste you recommend?

I haven’t done one of these for a while (I don’t need nearly as much “stuff” now as I did when Isobel was a baby!) but I thought I’d list a few things that we’ve gotten a lot of use out of lately.

  1. Nosefrida, $12.75 - The concept of this is so gross, I know, but it really works and it’s much safer than trying to use a bulb suction while she’s thrashing all over trying to get away from me.
  2. Zarbee’s Children’s Cough Syrup, $13.96 for 2 - Our doctor recommended this about a month or so ago now I guess. Isobel had a cold and some coughing during the night and this really helped settle it down. It’s made mostly from a honey, a natural expectorant. (Check with your doctor first before using! Disclaimer, disclaimer, blah, blah.)
  3. Baby Banana Training Toothbrush, $8.49 - Isobel hates her teeth being cleaned but she’ll chew on the nubbins of this one while I’m bathing her and I can usually sneak and grab it to get some extra cleaning done while she’s still thinking it’s a toy and not some torture device. (She thinks all hygiene-related tools are torture devices. This includes but is not limited to toothbrushes, hair combs, getting her face wiped, getting her nose cleaned, etc.)
  4. Melissa and Doug Giant Coloring Pad, $6.26 - This coloring pad is huge and Isobel loves drawing all over it. I do too if I’m being honest. ISOBEL DON’T YOU WANT TO COLOR NOW.
  5. Melissa and Doug Jumbo Triangular Crayons, $6.22 - I’m not the biggest fan of these because the colors aren’t very vibrant and you have to apply some pressure to get them going. Our Crayola ones we have are much better, but these are sanity-saving because they don’t roll. I’m willing to take the knocks on the vibrancy for not having crayons rolling all over the house.
  6. Ten Apples Up On Top! by Theo LeSieg - She really likes this book right now. I think it’s because it has two cats—a tiger and a lion—in it.
  7. Luvable Friends 6 Pack Cuffed Socks, $7.10 - It seems like I lose a pair of socks (or two or three) every time I do the laundry. These ship with Amazon Prime and do the job.
  8. Tiny TOMS, $29 - I bought these discounted on Zulily on a whim and regretted clicking purchase after I read some reviews after the fact. Most people said they came off easily and that is one of my biggest annoyances about a few of the shoes I’ve bought for Isobel. I’m happy to report that these stay on her feet really well (through tons of walking, climbing, park time, etc.). The only thing is that she knows how to pull off Velcro shoes now, so she usually pulls one or both off while in the carseat or stroller.
  9. Summer Infant Tiny Diner, $11.99 - This is great for restaurants. It suctions to the table and has a little tray to catch food.
  10. ERGO Carrier, $115 - I’ve posted this before but wanted to reiterate how often I still use it, even though Isobel is now 25 pounds or so. Despite the fact that I mostly like the Ergo, I’ve found back carry becoming more and more uncomfortable as Isobel has gotten heavier. This is mostly because I find that my torso is kind of long to find the perfect spot for it to rest. I’ve tried to put it lower on my hips and higher on my waist and neither worked long-term. (My back started to really hurt after less than 30 minutes wearing.) I recently tried on a Boba at the store and really liked it, then decided to give my Ergo one more try before abandoning it. I know the Ergo side carry is seen as kind of an Ergo throwaway position—that toddlers should be either in front or back carry—but I tried the side carry this weekend and carried Isobel comfortably for several hours with no back or side pain at all. I don’t think it would be for everyone, but I was so relieved to find that I can get some more mileage out of this contraption. It’s a lifesaver in situations where a stroller is too cumbersome and Isobel is far too wiggly to carry without restraint for longer than about ten minutes. (She wants to get down and RUN.) Best of all, Isobel seemed to really enjoy the side carry too. The back carry was always frustrating for her because she’d sometimes want to rest her head somewhere and couldn’t, but the front carry wasn’t a solution because she liked to look around and have more freedom to see where she was going, etc. The side carry was the best of both worlds: she could rest her head on me when she was sleepy and she could see where we were going and had more mobility to check out her surroundings.

Any other toddler toys or gadgets I should look into? What’s a toddler toothbrush or toothpaste you recommend?

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Baby stuff

Do you or does someone you know need a little help with a few baby items? I’ve put some of Isobel’s gently used/never used things below. Email me (jaclyndianeday[at]gmail) with the name of the Pack you need or email me the address of someone who can use them. 

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WINTER PACK: Coat - 6 mos, Sweater - 6-9 mos, Snowsuits - Label says 3-6, but they’d certainly fit up to 9 mos I think (they’re long) - already requested

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NEWBORN PACK - 1 baby towel, 1 large SwaddleMe, 2 bundlers (0-3 mo), 1 nursing cover, 1 small Halo SleepSack - already requested

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SHOE PACK - All sizes 1-2  - already requested

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0-6 MONTHS PACK - 19 shirts/onesies and 8 pants (already requested)

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6-12 MONTH PACK - 15 shirts/onesies, 10 pants (already requested)

I’m going to go back through some more storage soon so keep an eye out for another post like this. 

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Mother’s Day is in 17 days. Have you bought a gift yet? Here are a few ideas to help you get started.  Clare Vivier Flat Clutch, $104 - This is also available in other colors/patterns. J.Crew Golden Knot Ring, $35 - Get an extra 25% off with code SPRINGBEST.  Juicy Couture Belted Robe, $60 (from $88) Warby Parker Gift Card, $50+ Fresh Favorites Sugar Lip Balms Trio, $45 Madewell The Transport Tote, $168 - Can be monogrammed!  May Designs Custom Notebook, starting at $17 Printstagram Minibook, $12 for 100 photos Marc Jacobs Limited Edition Daisy Sunshine, $78  LUSH A Mother’s Day in Paradise Gift Tub, $56.96 Rag and Bone Bindery Instabook Accordion Book, $21 - This photo album is designed to display Instagram prints in sizes 4x4 or 5x5. (Use PostalPix app on iPhone to order prints.)  DODOCase for J.Crew for iPad 2 and 3, $74.95 (from $85) - Get an extra 25% off with code SPRINGBEST.  Kindle Paperwhite (with Special Offers), $119 Madewell Garden Sketch Scarf, $45 Seventh Tree Soaps Mother’s Day Gift Set, $18 Tory Burch Smart Phone Wallet, $155 - Perfect for a new mom—just tuck into diaper bag and have all the essentials close at hand.  Anthropologie Vertical Chemist Vase, $48 - Extra points for actually putting flowers into it!  Jacquie Aiche Alphabet Letter Ring, $77 Anna Bee Jewelry Initial and Birthstone Necklace, $97 If you don’t see anything you like here or have a specific Mother’s Day search request, feel free to drop me a message in my ask box. 

Mother’s Day is in 17 days. Have you bought a gift yet? Here are a few ideas to help you get started. 

  1. Clare Vivier Flat Clutch, $104 - This is also available in other colors/patterns.
  2. J.Crew Golden Knot Ring, $35 - Get an extra 25% off with code SPRINGBEST. 
  3. Juicy Couture Belted Robe, $60 (from $88)
  4. Warby Parker Gift Card, $50+
  5. Fresh Favorites Sugar Lip Balms Trio, $45
  6. Madewell The Transport Tote, $168 - Can be monogrammed! 
  7. May Designs Custom Notebook, starting at $17
  8. Printstagram Minibook, $12 for 100 photos
  9. Marc Jacobs Limited Edition Daisy Sunshine, $78 
  10. LUSH A Mother’s Day in Paradise Gift Tub, $56.96
  11. Rag and Bone Bindery Instabook Accordion Book, $21 - This photo album is designed to display Instagram prints in sizes 4x4 or 5x5. (Use PostalPix app on iPhone to order prints.) 
  12. DODOCase for J.Crew for iPad 2 and 3, $74.95 (from $85) - Get an extra 25% off with code SPRINGBEST. 
  13. Kindle Paperwhite (with Special Offers), $119
  14. Madewell Garden Sketch Scarf, $45
  15. Seventh Tree Soaps Mother’s Day Gift Set, $18
  16. Tory Burch Smart Phone Wallet, $155 - Perfect for a new mom—just tuck into diaper bag and have all the essentials close at hand. 
  17. Anthropologie Vertical Chemist Vase, $48 - Extra points for actually putting flowers into it! 
  18. Jacquie Aiche Alphabet Letter Ring, $77
  19. Anna Bee Jewelry Initial and Birthstone Necklace, $97

If you don’t see anything you like here or have a specific Mother’s Day search request, feel free to drop me a message in my ask box. 

  • k 19 notes
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I just started reading the most remarkable book last night (Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh). I knew within the first few pages that it will always be a favorite. It was originally published in 1955, but Lindbergh’s reflections on motherhood, friendships, marriage and life in general still feel modern and thought-provoking. Here is a portion taken from the forward: “Many women are content with their lives as they are. They manage amazingly well, far better than I, it seemed to me, looking at their lives from the outside. With envy and admiration, I observed the porcelain perfection of their smoothly ticking days. Perhaps they had no problems, or had found the answers long ago. […] But as I went on writing and simultaneously talking with other women, young and old, with different lives and experiences—those who supported themselves, those who wished careers, those who were hard-working housewives and mothers, and those with more ease—I found that my point of view was not unique. In varying settings and under different forms, I discovered that many women, and men, too, were grappling with essentially the same questions as I, and were hungry to discuss and argue and hammer out possible answers. Even those whose lives had appeared to be ticking imperturbably under their smiling clock-faces were often trying, like me, to evolve another rhythm with more creative pauses in it, more adjustment to their individual needs, and new and more alive relationships to themselves as well as others.” I was reading Before I Forget in The Atlantic yesterday and then read the above passage last night and I think there are so many important parallels. The Internet has provided so many wonderful things to me as a new parent. It has given me invaluable advice, amazing friends and a supportive community of people in circumstances similar to my own that I can turn to when I don’t know who else to ask or vent to. On the other hand, the Internet can be pernicious, guilt-inducing labyrinth for a parent and especially for a new mother. The mommy wars wage on in blogs, in comments on news articles, on Facebook and in more subtle ways too. I see various bloggers who appear to be paragons of motherhood and then everything they do or don’t do or seem to do more deftly feels magnified just as strongly as if someone pointed out the chasm between us directly to my face. There is great dignity in rising to meet the new responsibility and challenge of parenting but the parenting itself is not always dignified and I’ve noticed that the moments where I feel successful rarely arrive from any intention on my part. It’s not always beautiful or easy and it’s hardly ever both at the same time. A filter on a photo cannot gloss over the image of sitting in the corner of the room crying because you can’t understand why someone else won’t stop. Even my own words might make it seem that I have forgotten the difficulties of those early days. That I have somehow reached a place where I know and well, that’s not true. I know nothing and have forgotten nothing. Although I look back at Isobel as a baby with bittersweet, nostalgic feelings, I would not rewind the clock if given the chance. To be frank, I’m not sure I have the strength to do it again. I can still feel the fog of my past depression episodes lingering just beyond the patch of sunlight that follows me of late, but would it remain there if I went back? Could I push through again? As for now, I know one day in and one day out and that’s still as far as my mind can extend, whether applied to parenting, my job, my home, my partner, my schedule. Anything beyond 24 hours from this moment does not exist. Parenting is about being present, yes, and I’ve read so many things that instruct parents to be intentionally present, but the truth is that there is no other option. I am present because each moment could be a new challenge and each decision could have longer lasting consequences than I anticipate. I can live with the mistakes born from intentional decisions. But that’s why I have to be present—because I am so afraid that if I’m not, I’ll make an unintentional mistake. Every parent makes mistakes and every parent fears something. There is someone out there feeling the same thing you are, right now. They probably won’t say it. There is far too much punishment for speaking the truth about parenting truths so we—I—stay quiet most of the time. But it helps to know that you aren’t alone.

I just started reading the most remarkable book last night (Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh). I knew within the first few pages that it will always be a favorite. It was originally published in 1955, but Lindbergh’s reflections on motherhood, friendships, marriage and life in general still feel modern and thought-provoking.

Here is a portion taken from the forward:

“Many women are content with their lives as they are. They manage amazingly well, far better than I, it seemed to me, looking at their lives from the outside. With envy and admiration, I observed the porcelain perfection of their smoothly ticking days. Perhaps they had no problems, or had found the answers long ago. […] But as I went on writing and simultaneously talking with other women, young and old, with different lives and experiences—those who supported themselves, those who wished careers, those who were hard-working housewives and mothers, and those with more ease—I found that my point of view was not unique. In varying settings and under different forms, I discovered that many women, and men, too, were grappling with essentially the same questions as I, and were hungry to discuss and argue and hammer out possible answers. Even those whose lives had appeared to be ticking imperturbably under their smiling clock-faces were often trying, like me, to evolve another rhythm with more creative pauses in it, more adjustment to their individual needs, and new and more alive relationships to themselves as well as others.”

I was reading Before I Forget in The Atlantic yesterday and then read the above passage last night and I think there are so many important parallels. The Internet has provided so many wonderful things to me as a new parent. It has given me invaluable advice, amazing friends and a supportive community of people in circumstances similar to my own that I can turn to when I don’t know who else to ask or vent to. On the other hand, the Internet can be pernicious, guilt-inducing labyrinth for a parent and especially for a new mother. The mommy wars wage on in blogs, in comments on news articles, on Facebook and in more subtle ways too. I see various bloggers who appear to be paragons of motherhood and then everything they do or don’t do or seem to do more deftly feels magnified just as strongly as if someone pointed out the chasm between us directly to my face.

There is great dignity in rising to meet the new responsibility and challenge of parenting but the parenting itself is not always dignified and I’ve noticed that the moments where I feel successful rarely arrive from any intention on my part. It’s not always beautiful or easy and it’s hardly ever both at the same time. A filter on a photo cannot gloss over the image of sitting in the corner of the room crying because you can’t understand why someone else won’t stop.

Even my own words might make it seem that I have forgotten the difficulties of those early days. That I have somehow reached a place where I know and well, that’s not true. I know nothing and have forgotten nothing. Although I look back at Isobel as a baby with bittersweet, nostalgic feelings, I would not rewind the clock if given the chance. To be frank, I’m not sure I have the strength to do it again. I can still feel the fog of my past depression episodes lingering just beyond the patch of sunlight that follows me of late, but would it remain there if I went back? Could I push through again? As for now, I know one day in and one day out and that’s still as far as my mind can extend, whether applied to parenting, my job, my home, my partner, my schedule. Anything beyond 24 hours from this moment does not exist. Parenting is about being present, yes, and I’ve read so many things that instruct parents to be intentionally present, but the truth is that there is no other option. I am present because each moment could be a new challenge and each decision could have longer lasting consequences than I anticipate. I can live with the mistakes born from intentional decisions. But that’s why I have to be present—because I am so afraid that if I’m not, I’ll make an unintentional mistake.

Every parent makes mistakes and every parent fears something. There is someone out there feeling the same thing you are, right now. They probably won’t say it. There is far too much punishment for speaking the truth about parenting truths so we—I—stay quiet most of the time. But it helps to know that you aren’t alone.

  • k 31 notes
  • qComments